Just to explain...

I wanted to follow up on the comment that Lesley left on yesterday's blog:

"No matter how much women want to be equal with men they simply cannot match their physical strength. It must have been wonderful to have fit able men help you. I would have loved it but then I have never needed to feel equal."

Lesley is absolutely right of course, most men are built stronger than women, but I do need to explain that this isn't just about being equal. I've no doubt that's part of it but there are other factors.

The main reason I wanted to split the logs myself, and do many other things, was that I need to prove something to myself. I'm rebuilding my life and my confidence in my abilities and trying to prove to ME that I can be independent and look after myself.

But it's also about work. When the majority of the staff you work with live on the job you tend to develop into a community. Most of the time it's like a small village and everyone gets on fine and we all look out for each other. But every now and again petty bitchiness raises it's ugly head.

When it first became known that I was going to be moving into my cottage, one person in particular went out of their way to create a lot of bad-feeling about it. It wasn't aimed at me per se but it affected me nonetheless. Although that person has now left, the whole incident made me be very careful about not taking advantage and appearing to be getting preferential treatment. Some of the staff can get quite bitchy about having to do things for other staff, particularly if it happens a lot, and I don't want to find myself at the end of that bitchiness by constantly asking for favours. I'm walking a fine line here and I'm very careful not to wobble off it!