Step up, step up

Once again I am called on to step up to the mark.  To be the strong one.  To hold it all together.

For more years than I care to remember I've had to be the strong one, the one that coped and, right now, I would give anything to have someone say "It's OK, I've got your back on this one, I'll deal with it".

But that ain't going to happen.  So big girls knickers are on and here we go again.

Oh hell.....

....I forgot to mention the two other significant things that happened last year.

I quit smoking.  Oh yeah!  I thought this was going to be a tough thing to do, I wasn't mentally ready and I sure as hell wasn't physically ready.  Yet one day last June, after 30 years of smoking, I decided "enough".  And apart from one very minor blip two weeks in, I have not looked back.  Yes I put on weight, but I've almost shifted it all.  Yes I still have moments when I really need a cigarette, and I suspect that feeling will never go away, but one cry of "I need a cigarette!" and my friends all pile in and tell me "No you don't!".  It feels great to have finally go of that mental crutch.

And I grew up.  OK, let's rephrase that.  I didn't actually grow up, that would just be a little bit too scary to contemplate, but I did do something very grown up.  I bought a house. My own four walls.  It's tiny, it needs a little bit of work, but it's mine.  It's somewhere I can escape to and be at peace.  It's home.  And I love it.