Thursday, 31 July 2008

Today.... off to a really crappy start and hasn't improved much. How can someone sit for two hours drinking coffee and reading the paper, whilst you're running round like the proverbial blue-arsed fly, and not offer to help?


Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Lawyers again.

I have mentioned before that I find my lawyer incredibly sexy. He's not attractive in any conventional aesthetic sense but there is just something about him that seriously floats my boat. Maybe it's the rugged, lived-in face and the fit body that does it. And the charm. Oh my....the charm! The way he firmly grasps your shoulders, kisses both cheeks and says "Darling! How are you!?" You feel like you are the only "darling" in his world. Which is no doubt what being a good lawyer is all about isn't it really!?

Anyway, I have an appointment with him soon. I really hope that by then I will have forgotten about the extremely erotic dream I had about him this morning. If not, I am either going to go very red in the face......or rip his clothes off and, and, and.....use your imagination OK?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just off for a cold shower.......

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Do you Plurk?

Because let me tell you, if you don't Plurk, you ain't where it's at!

It's all Robinella's fault you know. It's more addictive than chocolate.

In my garden

Monday, 28 July 2008

Fun Monday - If I ruled

Our Hostess for this week's Fun Monday is Mommy Wisdom and her assignment is this:

If you were ruler for a day/week/month/year (your choice on the time) you would...

ex...make coffee free to all citizens. Or you'd abolish the penny. You may also specify if you're ruler of the world or just your country. Have fun with it; be creative.

If you like to dress up, you may also choose to take pictures of yourself in your "ruler" outfit(s) and post them up with your entry.

OK, well, no dressing up because it's just too damned hot for dressing up.

Now, Mommy Wisdom doesn't specify what it is we would be ruler of...if we were ruler...and that makes a difference to what you would change doesn't it? So, putting aside the things that would be taken as read - ie redistribution of wealth, end of starvation, wars, cruelty to animals/children etc etc - I am going big time.

I am going to rule the universe. Because I rock. Is that OK with you? Good.

Let's start with the weather shall we? It's either been hissing it down or so hot you lay in a pool of sweaty lethargy (you'll have that picture in your mind all day now!). So I am going to tell, no, make that order (because I rule) the weather to shake it's tail feathers a little and give us perfectly balmy sunny days with a cooling breeze and scudding clouds and just the right temperature. And gentle rain during the night. Unless you're in the vicinity of one of the poles. Then you're just going to have to live with snow and ice I'm afraid. Can't have you all melting and flooding the rest of the planet.

OK. Night skies. Clear night skies with no interference from street lighting so we can all see the stars in all their glory.

Travel - we are all going to be born with the ability to transport ourselves to wherever we want to go. A la Star Trek. Because that's cool.

Interplanetary travel? No problem. Oh yes, travelling my universe will be a piece of cake in our big star ships that get you from A to B with no traffic jams. Do you get traffic jams in space...I don't think so! Hah!

Anyway, that'll do for a start. I'm still new to this ruling thing so I'll just keep making it up as I go along if that's OK with you.

Sunday, 27 July 2008

I wish I had the courage..... do some of these!

Shamelessly stolen from the Greyhound Gap forum, these made me chuckle!

For all the guys who ever get dragged round Tesco against their will and perhaps some of the girls, should try a few of these too - may liven things up.

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Wigan:

Dear Mrs. Cater,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Wigan is considering banning you and your family

from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in House Wares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House Wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were situated.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the theme tune from 'Mission Impossible'

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME, PICK ME!'

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Saturday, 26 July 2008

Lazy Days

It's been one of those lovely, lazy summer days today.

The temperatures have soared so the Lurchers were walked early and all the shopping was done by mid-morning. A little housework, a doze on the sofa with my book and a mooch in the garden whilst the chickens were allowed out of their run to mooch around with me (The Lurchers and Brodie having been safely shut in the cool of the cottage).

Just a nice relaxing day.

Too good to be true? Well, yes actually. I was on duty last night so the office phones were through to me until 9am this morning. We started with a 7.30am call from a member of the public about a litter problem and Himself subsequently throwing a minor hissy fit because they rang so early. Hey, you know what? It's my job to take telephone calls at unsocial hours and why we get to live in the lovely place we live in. So deal with it already. This was followed by a hissy fit of my own because I couldn't find the brand new pair of trousers I'd bought last week. At which point I threw on any old clothes and took myself out for a couple of hours and did what I needed to do.

Then I had a lazy summer day.

Friday, 25 July 2008

Sky Watch Friday

OK, I have no idea who started Sky Watch Friday or who, if anyone, I should be acknowledging or linking back to, but as several people in my blog circle participate, hopefully one of them can enlighten me!
This, by the way, is the view from my office.

Edit: I now know all about Skywatch and you can see the home blog here!

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Ooh! I got an award......


The lovely Alison at RDHmom made me one of the recipients of her very own I Believe award. Alison, thank you. You are a special person indeed and I am honoured to receive it.

And the power that is Blogging.... Jan at The Prytz Family forwarded it on to me too! Thank you Jan and thank you for being a special person too!

I had something really witty to say but when I tried to type it, it got all muddled and made no sense. Be thankful I have a delete button!

Anyway.. I shall now pass this award on to the following:

The Neophyte Blogger - 'cos she rants real good!

Joy T - 'cos she's brave and spent the night with spiders!

Laughing Alone in the Dark - 'cos Carolyn is me and I'm her and we're so alike it scares the bejeezuz out of me!

And you all deserve it too but I'm really sorry but my brain won't function any more this evening!

There seems to be a rash of excalmation marks in this post. I promise to get rid of them by tomorrow.

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Oh to have......

....something to tell you. Something, anything, of import to pass on with words of wit and wisdom, and a little humour thrown in for good measure.

Alas, it's not to be. It's just been an ordinary day, although himself has gone out tonight so I'm enjoying a little peace and quiet. And stuffing my face with what is possibly the best chilli I have ever eaten, courtesy of the wife of a colleague who challenged me to say anything less about it. I couldn't. It was delicious.

Apparently the secret ingredient was chocolate. What more could a girl ask for?

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Tawny Owls

Here at work, we currently have some young Tawny Owls recuperating in our flight cage. The opportunity to take some photos of them was too good to miss really! So, armed with some dead mice, a colleague headed into the flight cage to distract them whilst I went in after him. We needn't have bothered, they were so intrugued by the camera that they just sat there twirling their heads at me!

Monday, 21 July 2008

Fun Monday - Work

Our Hostess this week is Irish Coffeehouse and this is our assignment:

THEN: As a child day dreaming of what your future would hold for you, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you ever pursue or achieve it?

NOW: If you could be trained and placed in any career beginning tomorrow, what would it be?

Cows. Yes, an odd picture to illustrate my Fun Monday post perhaps but from a fairly early age, I knew I wanted to be a farmer. My uncle had a sheep farm where I used to spend my summer holidays so I guess it was in my blood. I knew I didn't want to work with sheep so which other aspect of farming did I want to work in. My father, a man of little imagination, thought I should work in a bank and, failing that, perhaps I should consider being a farm secretary instead. You know, woman's work. Then someone suggested dairy farming and that just sounded right. So at 16 I left home and went to live and work on a dairy farm for a year to learn how to milk and look after a herd of dairy cows. Then I went to agricultural college to get my qualifications and at 19, I was in full control of a herd of dairy cows. Dream achieved.

But now? I love the job I have now and really think I have found my niche but if I could start all over again, knowing what I know now? Forensic anthropology would be my choice.

What a fascinating career that must be: identifying skeletons, putting together the mystery of how they died, rebuilding their faces and giving the dead a voice. I'd never heard of such work until about 10 years ago and it really made me wish I had known about it 30 years ago.

Sunday, 20 July 2008


It's not often we all get together so it should be recorded for posterity.

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Oh look...

...I seem to be at another party!

I'm running outof small talk.

Any small talk suggestions!?

Friday, 18 July 2008

Party time

Tonight is our annual Staff Summer Party. It's not exactly the highlight of the Summer but we're grateful to our bosses for hosting it nonetheless. Unfortunately there is usually only about 35 of us and the band/disco/whatever entertainment really just play amongst themselves because we're all too self-conscious to get up and dance in front of our colleagues.

We have the party in the Marquee that remains in place from our Open Day last week. The guys have been decorating it today. I've been......ahem......supervising!

One's so lucky to have staff you know.

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Get a grip, woman!

After the incident with Brodie and the chicken this week, I have been having minor palpitations about this forthcoming weekend.

It's my Step-father's 60th Birthday on Saturday so we are heading off to stay with the folks in Wales. Now, my mum has Millie the Whippet and Brodie is fine her, but Mum also has two cats. Plus there is going to be a party with about 40-50 people in and out over the course of the evening.

You can see it is a recipe for disaster can't you?

I had a chat with Lisa the other night and she suggested putting him into kennels for the weekend. She said "Angela, I really can't deal with having with having the death of one of your Mother's cats on my conscience!"

So I rang around a few kennels, no joy. At such short notice everyone was booked up. I was resigning myself to a weekend of having Brodie joined to either my or Himself's hip, muzzled and on lead the whole time.

Then someone suggested a reasonably local greyhound rescue kennels that often takes boarders as well. Yes! As he's a Gap dog, they'll take him for one night! That will make the whole weekend a lot easier.

And there in lies the rub.

Since Himself and I have had dogs, we have both been of the opinion that where we go, our dogs go. And if the dogs can't go? Neither do we. Neither of us could see the point in having a constant canine companion to share our lives just to put them in kennels when it suited. And the same goes for my foster dogs too. I know people do and I'm not criticising it at all, it just wasn't for us.

And here I am, doing exactly that with Brodie. Putting him in kennels just to make my life easier. Yes I know I'm being silly, and yes I know it's only for one night and he'll be absolutely fine.

I'm just having trouble dealing with the guilt OK!?

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Morph Update

You all will remember that poor boy that came into Greyhound Gap's care last week?

If not, here's a reminder

And 11 days later? What a difference!

Lisa's report:

This boy is a doll and has continued to amaze us with recovery. The weight has flown on now and the sores are starting to heal. Although I kid you not, he has eaten a 15kg sack of fish4dogs since he landed a week ago on Sunday, and a pile of Nature Diet Puppy so I'm not surpised. He has his routine to a T now and when his 7 meals a day are due he walks a track from me to the kitchen gate and back until he is fed. He isn't far of ready now to drop down a meal or two so I think there may be anarchy.

Morph has also decided that being the entire male in the house he should be respected, he chunters and moans at the other dogs when they are playing and will bark and stand over them so is having to be supervised and told that, actually, it's not acceptable.

We head off on holiday on Saturday and Morph will be coming along so has his swimming trunks, shorts and beach shoes packed.

And are we Cheeky? Yes we are!

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

And then there were five.

Today has not been the best of days.

It started at 5am when Lurcher No.1 needed to go out - this new diet she is on is playing havoc with the timing of her digestive transit, and havoc with my sleep patterns - as it was light I got up and pootled down the garden to let the chickens out.

Now, this is something we do every morning. At whatever time I surface, I pootle down the garden and Brodie comes with me to have his first daily constitutional. He peers in to the chicken run and then goes off to do his business. When I come out of the run, I open the back of the coop to check for eggs. And every morning, if there is a chicken still in there, Brodie stares transfixed.

Except for this morning. This morning he didn't stare. This morning he obviously sussed I was not fully alert and he made a grab for Dora. Before my brain could process what was happening, he had Dora by the tail feathers and was whooping down the garden swinging her through the air. I had the presence of mind to lock up the coop before the others came out and then hurtled down the garden after him screaming like a fishwife. He was at the back gate before he let her go and I was able to scoop her up but he still kept trying to grab her. Himself appeared wondering what all the noise was about and got the dogs in whilst I checked Dora over. Fortunately she didn't seem to be physically hurt. I put her back in the run and she toddled off, seemingly OK.

I checked on her half an hour later and she had died. More than likely from shock than from any physical injury.

I am so angry with myself. I know what Brodie can be like (you all will remember the neighbour's rabbit incident). I let my guard down for a second and one of my animals died because of it. It was an unnecessary death and unforgivable when these creatures rely on me for their safety and well-being.

And if my viperous anonymous commenter on those rabbit posts wants to say "pay back". Don't bother, I've already said it.

*If you are wondering about the title - I think I forgot to tell you that I homed another two ex-batts to add to my original four.

Monday, 14 July 2008

Fun Monday - Birthdays

Acckk...I nearly forgot about this!

Our hostess this week is Penny at Dungarees Ablaze and this is our assignment:

Let's hear about your favorite “Birthday”, it needn’t be your actual birthday just a "birthday" celebration. You can use one you planned, one you attended, one you crashed, just a fun time for this FUN MONDAY

And this is where I warn you that if you are of a delicate disposition you should stop reading now.

If you're still reading I will warn you that I shall keep this brief because well...just because really!

It was my 30th birthday and we were still living lust's young dream. The details are a little hazy but I recall it involved spending the day in bed with a bottle of malt whiskey and lots of sex - as we had little money in those days, Himself decided my birthday present should be three orgasms. One for every decade.

And did I get my present!? That's for me to know!

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Sunday, 13 July 2008

A good day

Today was our Annual Open Day at work. It was a great day although I am utterly exhausted.

More soon, my pillow beckons.

Saturday, 12 July 2008


....please pass me the Prozac. Actually, thinking about it, a pillow will probably do.

Today has been a day run at full speed. And you know when the adrenalin has been pumping? The low that follows is really low. I knew today would be busy at work - we have our Annual Open Day tomorrow and getting everything ready for 3,000 visitors has been manic. But to add to that we had an event on (not run by us I hasten to add but on our land) that was supposed to have been a "family picnic" for a cultural group. We expected somewhere in the region of a 1000 people max. Turned out we'd been well and truly hoodwinked because somewhere along the line the family picnic turned into a political rally with, the police estimate, somewhere in the region of 7-10,000 people. And it was loud. Very loud. My phone has not stopped ringing all day with complaints and I feel there might be sharp words spoken on Monday.

So now I am going to bed to prepare for the delights that tomorrow will bring. I warn you now that tomorrow's blog will make little sense. OK. Even less sense than usual then.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Camera bore again!

I mentioned in a blog a few weeks back that a friend was selling all their Nikon gear and I had my eye on the Sigma 10-20mm lens he had up for grabs.

Well, now I have not only my eye on it but my smutty little hands as well! And, of course, it's pretty much rained ever since it arrived.

I've only been able to get out with it once and this is not a good shot by any stretch of the imagination it gives you an idea of how absolutely brilliant this lens is going to be!

Thursday, 10 July 2008


Don't panic, this isn't going to be long diatribe about the state of our country or the idiots that run it (no offence meant to any Labour supporters out there) but a brilliant quote I heard on the radio today.

I only caught about 5 minutes of a programme on Radio 4 today as I was in and out of the car. Entitled "Deep in the Heart of Texas", the programme explored the history of Austin. One guy they were interviewing came out with this brilliant definition of politics:

"Poli"...more than one

"tics"....blood-sucking insects

It did come over better on the radio when spoken, especially with a Texan drawl!

If you'd like to listen to it, you can hear it on the BBC website here

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

The weekend

This is the post that you should have got at the weekend but didn't because telling you all about Morph was far more important.

On Saturday night we were invited to our neighbours' (and friends) housewarming party. We were asked ages ago and then I completely forgot about it and double-booked myself to sepnd a night in a haunted Gaol in Derby to raise funds for Greyhound Gap. Having given it some thought, I decided to stick with going to the party as that was already in the diary and I have missed the last two parties that they have thrown. It would have been rude to have missed a third and, whilst I was disappointed not to go to Derby with the girls, it turned out to be the right decision because our neighbours had gone and gotten themselves married so it turned into a wedding party!

I'm going to digress a little here. I'm not sure if I've mentioned that we have four horses where I work. Big horses. They are all 17hh plus. Now and again I was allowed to ride out and I always rode a beautiful big grey called Showtime. Showtime was predictably unpredicatable. You just had to assume he would shy at everything. But he was so big and so broad that it felt like you were sitting in an armchair and, even if he did shy, you weren't going to go anywhere. But Showtime was retired just over two years ago and I haven't ridden since, mainly because the horses we have had have been lunatics. Big lunatics. And it's a long way to fall. and the older you get the less you bounce. And if our experienced riders regularly fell off, there was no way you were getting me on board.

But at the party, one of my colleagues, in his drunken state, said I should start riding again and he would be at my gate at 10am on Sunday morning with a horse. Yeah OK. I knew it would be forgotten by the next morning so didn't give it too much thought. But, true to his word, he showed up at my gate at 10am, with a horse. I had assumed we would go for a hack but no, this chap used to be a riding instructor. In the army. Actually, in the Householud know those troops that ride with the Queen on big parades? He trained them. And he was about to give me a lesson. Yikes!!

Well, it was huge fun. I was incredibly pleased that I a) managed to stay on and b) managed to show that I could actually ride.

Except now I am paying for it. A 40 minute intensive lesson is probably not the best way to get back in the saddle when you haven't ridden for over two years. Half an hour after I got back I lost control of my thighs. Monday was painful. Today, although I have regained control of my legs, my hips are protesting loudly and periodically sieze up.

It's no fun getting old you know.

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Update on Morph

As requested, an update on the poor boy that came into Greyhound Gap's care on Sunday.

Lisa's report:

"Bless him this lad is an angel. He has decided he doesnt want to be in the kitchen and has made his way into the livingroom with my pack. I am so proud of them they have given him space and know how poorly he is and apart from a bit of nose rubbing and a few kisses have left him be. We gave him a nice wash down as he is smelly but not up to having a bath. He just lay there whilst we washed and dealt with his scabs and sores and seemed to really enjoy it, he even tried helping us. Last night when I was eating my tea he sat on his bottom begging for it but without getting in my face just polite and waggy. He then climbed onto the sofa, he has obviously been a house dog because apart from the first accidents yesterday he has now been spotlessly clean. He joined us upstairs last night and had the memory foam type bed by my bed and we didnt hear a peep from him he just slept soundly all night. This morning its a happy alert waggy boy that greeted me, he got straight up and headed downstairs and then to the dog gate asking for his breakfast which he ate straight up. He is now snoozing away kicking his little legs and dreaming."

Morph has been to the vets and he is on antibiotics - orally because there was no flesh there to inject into. One of the pressure sores actually has his bone showing through and there is an inch of bone showing at the end of his tail. These pictures show even more than the ones I posted on Sunday what a poor condition he is in.

But then yesterday morning, this happened:

If you know sighthounds, you'll know that roaching like this is normal. But to see a rescue dog roach is extra special. To see Morph roach less than 24 hours after he came into Lisa's care had us all shedding more than a few tears.

Monday, 7 July 2008

Fun Monday - Fishing stories

Our hostess for this week is Olive at UR Olive. And this is our assignment

I would like to hear about your *whopper* of a fishing story. Yes, you heard it correctly whether it is fictional or non fictional I want to hear a fishing story from you. An example would be if you catch a minnow and tell it that you caught a swordfish (exaggeration is the operative word here). Did you hear me say show your photo(s)? Of course you did – be creative.

OK, so being a Brit, I had no idea if a "fishing story" was an American euphemism for something and I was going to make a total idiot of myself by writing a story about fishing. But Olive has clarified that, yep, this really is about fishing. So here you go!

Several years ago, Himself and I used to go sea fishing two or three times a year. We went with a group of pals and, being the only female on board, I really had to hold my own and be just as good as they were. Not that I had to do that for them, but for myself. So I learnt to bait my own hooks and gut any fish I caught.

Fortunately, I don't get seasick. Himself does and much as he loved the idea of sea-fishing, it cost him double because being self-employed he didn't get paid as he wasn't working and he had to pay for the cost of the trip. And despite taking sea-sickness tablets, he would still get horrendously ill and would spend half the trip prone in the cabin. I remember we were out on one trip in a Force 5 gale. Fishing was out of the question but I was up front with the skipper and thoroughly enjoying the rolling waves whilst my fellow fishermen, some of them quite hardened to the sea, took it in turns to feed the fishes. On several of these trips I was also crowned the "Mackerel Queen", as the fish could sometimes barely wait until I'd lowered my line into the water before throwing themselves onto my hooks.

On another trip, I thought I had hooked the catch of my life. Whatever it was, it was big. Very big. And heavy. My line was almost bent over double and I was having a tough job reeling it in. The boys all gathered round me to watch and the skipper stood ready with his priest in case it fought back when I landed it. Reel it in, relax, reel it in, relax and on and on for about 10 minutes.

Finally it popped through the surface of the sea. And my giant catch?

Picture courtesy of Google because no-one on board had a camera!

Yes, a measly scallop that I'd wrested off the sea-bed.

And after that anti-climax, please head over to Olive's to see who else is telling whoppers this week!

Sunday, 6 July 2008

A brutal dose of reality (distressing post)

This was not the blog I was going to write for you today but I cannot bring myself to write a fun post when something like this happens.

Lisa at Greyhound Gap telephoned me this afternoon to say she'd had a call from the local dog-pound who had a greyhound in that needed collecting NOW.

In Lisa's own words:

"I knew when the local pound rang me to ask me to come over NOW and collect this boy it was going to be bad but I wasnt quite prepared for what I saw come out of the kennel. I have never in the history of Gap or all my rescue work come into contact with a dog still alive that is in the state that this boy is."

How can anyone let a dog get into this state? Why, in the name of all that's decent, could they have not handed him over to someone who could have cared for him? Why are there such heartless bastards out there who do this to animals? Why? Can someone answer me that question because I certainly can't.

Saturday, 5 July 2008


Having too much fun to blog.

Catch you later!

Friday, 4 July 2008

To all my American friends......

Happy Independence Day!

Hope all your celebrations go well!

Thursday, 3 July 2008

The Diet.

The diet is not going well.

I have lost 6lbs, which is a third of what I want to lose, but I've been stuck here for weeks. So, a radical rethink is needed.

Particularly as I went shopping for some new underwear this evening. I have always moaned that the mirrors in changing rooms seem to make you look slimmer than you really are. Why can't they just show the real you?

Well, I'm rather hoping that the mirrors in Marks and Spencer make you look fatter than you really are because if someone has listened to me and those mirrors show me as I really am..... it's not a pretty sight.

Your sincerely
Fat and Depressed of Wimbledon.

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Not good news

I received a call from my vet this afternoon and she has had the second blood test results back and it confirms that Lurcher No.1 does indeed have pancreatitis.

She's been absolutely fine since the second attack a week ago but has been on a bland diet of chicken and rice. I have an appointment to chat to my vet tomorrow afternoon to see where we go from here as far as Lurcher No.1's diet is concerned.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

The trouble with......

....warm, sunny days is that the fit, young, and not so young, men are wandering around in not many clothes.

It's really not good for a woman of my age. *sighs wistfully*