6.45 - Alarm goes off. Get up. Find glasses. Fend off all resident dogs to whom a few hours is a lifetime and who must all greet me as a long lost relative.
06.50 - Clear up water spilt on bedside table by over-enthusiastic hounds
06.55 - Shower. Dry hair. Get dressed.
7.20 - Take all resident dogs for a walk.
8.15 - Find dog bowls and rid them of snails that have partied in them all night. Get dogs breakfasts ready. Make OH's trough box. Make my breakfast. Get Ruby the Foster's lunch soaking (no teeth!). Get The Lurchers' dinner out of freezer. Decide what the humans are having for dinner - get it out of freezer.
8.35 - Grab a coffee and cigarette.
8.40 - Feed all resident dogs. Stand around to prevent scrap starting.
8.55 - Cycle to work
9.00 - Get to work. Work all morning
1300 - Get home and walk resident dogs
13.20 - Grab some lunch for me
13.40 - Feed Ruby. Stand around and stop The Lurchers sulking as they don't get lunch.
13.45 - Get Ruby's dinner soaking.
13.55 - Cycle back to work
14.00 - Get to work. Work all afternoon
17.15 - Get home from work. Walk all resident dogs.
18.15 - Find dog bowls and rid them of snails that have had a coffee morning in them. Get all resident dog's dinners ready.
18.30 - Sit down at computer for 1/2 hour.
19.00 - Start preparing our dinner.
19.30 - Feed all resident dogs. Stand around to prevent scrap starting.
20.00 - Get The Lurcher's breakfast out of freezer. Put Ruby's breakfast to soak.
20.30 - Eat our dinner
21.00 - Empty dishwasher. Load dishwasher. Transform kitchen from war-zone back to kitchen.
21.30 - Try to catch up on Greyhound Gap's mail.
22.00 - Transform lounge from war-zone back to lounge. Turn off all lights.
22.15 - Sit down at computer for half an hour.
22.45 - Go to bed. Read. Fall asleep with book open.
04.30 - Get up let all resident dogs out for a pee. No pee necessary but the garden is interesting at that time of the morning.
04.45 - Get up to let in resident dog that has been left outside.
05.00 - Fail to get back to sleep.
06.30 - Finally fall back to sleep
06.45 - Alarm goes off.
Find time somewhere to do washing/hoovering/shopping/etc etc
06.45 - Grumble at resident dogs who think he must be awake too.
06.50 - Disappear back under duvet.
07.30 - Get up and stagger to kitchen to put kettle on.
07.35 - Sit at table. Drink coffee. Smoke cigarette. Do crossword.
07.50 - drink more coffee.
08.15 - drink more coffee.
08.45 - Grab trough box. Get in car. Go to work.
Work all day, stopping for periodic coffee and cigarette breaks.
18.00 - Get home.
18.05 - Grab a beer and decamp to lounge to watch Rugby World Cup.
20.30 - Eat dinner.
21.30 - Shower.
21.45 - Go to bed. Read.
22.30 - Fall asleep.
I'm coming back as a man or a dog in my next life.
AWAY IN AMSTERDAM - Tomorrow I am going to Amsterdam to be the body guard of nearly 7 year old grandson Toby. It is about time that I leave home for a few days because I think...