Friends in pain

I had a long chat with my bestest friend the other evening. Niki has Trigeminal Neuralgia(TN), an extremely painful and debilitating condition. The drugs she is on are debilitating if taken in any doseage to kill the pain, which they never do completely anyway, leaving her incapable of doing anything other than lying on her bed semi-comatose. So she has to take a doseage that takes the edge off leaving her susceptible to attacks of pain from the slightest thing, cleaning her teeth or washing her face or the brush of wind on her face. What you or I might consider to be a fairly unbearable migraine is the pain Niki has learnt to live with on a day to day basis. I don't think anyone can imagine what it must be like on a bad day.

Niki has to live with her parents as she can no longer work or drive. She has had two major operations of open skull surgery and a nerve block through the cheek. None have worked. She should be having a third open skull operation but the nearest consultant to her is in Bristol and as she is in Wales, the Welsh Health Authority have to approve the expenditure. And they won't. They say the operation can be carried out in Wales but, whilst that is true, none of the surgeons who could do it have the TN expertise to know what they are doing once they are inside her skull. The Bristol consultant has also said that there is more chance of the operation not being successful that being successful but there is still a chance that it will be but she deserves that chance.

The problem is that, technically, it isn't a life threatening disease. Not in the conventional sense of the word anyway. But in the last 6 months there have been four suicides from sufferers of TN and Niki, at the moment, sees suicide as a very real and possible option for her. Niki is a strong-willed, independant person who, despite everything, remains cheerful and resolute. She is now dependant on her family and friends for almost everything she does and has borne the whole thing with fortitude. For her to see suicide as something she has a right to do if she chooses, and to talk about it so matter of factly and so rationally, leaves me reeling.

She is my best friend and I love her like she was flesh and blood but in this situation, is it right for me to think she is selfish to take this way out when all other options have been exhausted? Or am I being selfish to expet her to live in agony just so the rest of us have her in our lives?