Horses

Why is this bothering me?

One of the guys here at work got married at the weekend.  None of us were formally invited: they are both in their 60s, it was a small, quiet celebration with their close friends.  Except one of my colleagues was invited, the one who is also my next-door neighbour.  And, apparently, the ex.  With his new girlfriend.

I'm good with that, they were friends, and neither do I have a problem that he has moved on and has a new woman in his life.  Good for him.

What's bothering me is that my neighbour simply cannot keep his mouth shut and my ex is probably now gleefully aware that I, having been the instigator of the break-up, am still single and he isn't, and b) have bought a house and am spending a lot of time there.  It's no big secret, I am very happily single and the break-up was never about anyone else.  Ditto the house, no big secret.

So why is it annoying me that the ex now knows all this?

Actually, you know what?  I think it's annoying me more that it's annoying me.

Step up, step up

Once again I am called on to step up to the mark.  To be the strong one.  To hold it all together.

For more years than I care to remember I've had to be the strong one, the one that coped and, right now, I would give anything to have someone say "It's OK, I've got your back on this one, I'll deal with it".

But that ain't going to happen.  So big girls knickers are on and here we go again.

Oh hell.....

....I forgot to mention the two other significant things that happened last year.

I quit smoking.  Oh yeah!  I thought this was going to be a tough thing to do, I wasn't mentally ready and I sure as hell wasn't physically ready.  Yet one day last June, after 30 years of smoking, I decided "enough".  And apart from one very minor blip two weeks in, I have not looked back.  Yes I put on weight, but I've almost shifted it all.  Yes I still have moments when I really need a cigarette, and I suspect that feeling will never go away, but one cry of "I need a cigarette!" and my friends all pile in and tell me "No you don't!".  It feels great to have finally go of that mental crutch.

And I grew up.  OK, let's rephrase that.  I didn't actually grow up, that would just be a little bit too scary to contemplate, but I did do something very grown up.  I bought a house. My own four walls.  It's tiny, it needs a little bit of work, but it's mine.  It's somewhere I can escape to and be at peace.  It's home.  And I love it.

Here we go again......

The problem with starting to blog again, having not blogged in over a year is this - do you just start again as if you'd never been away, or are you required to fill your once-loyal readers in with the details of what they've missed over the last year?


You want to know what you've missed?  Really!? OK.....

Not very much.

Seriously, the last 12 months have been notable for almost only one thing.  I found myself again.  Someone finally found the "ON" switch and hauled my sorry ass back from the alternate reality I had been inhabiting for the last 15 years.  However, that one notable event has led to one or two other notable events, some of which I'll tell you about, and some I won't!

But damn, it is good to be back!

New Year, New Blog

Well, not exactly a new blog but having taken most on 2009 out from blogging, I thought it was high time to start again.

The New Year has started on a tiring note. The Parents came to stay. Need I say more? Probably not but I will anyway otherwise there wouldn't be any point in mentioning it would there?

It was an uneventful stay - apart from one of The Parent's whippets ripping off a dew claw this morning and leaving a trail of blood all over the furniture, and doing the "woe is me". No other dog can do "woe is me" quite like a whippet. Nor act as if you were trying to kill them by slow and torturous methods when all you're trying to do is clean the wound and get some vet wrap on it.

Much as I love The Parents dearly, the problem with having visitors is that it is exhausting. You spend two days cleaning, changing beds, washing everything and shopping in preparation for the visit (and why do you always miss that one bloody huge cobweb that should have been obvious?) and then you spend two days in a constant frenzy of cooking, making copious amounts of tea and coffee, clearing up dishes and trying to keep on top of everything. And then, once they leave, you spend two days cleaning, changing beds, washing everything and shopping for more food because you've been eaten out of house and home.

*sighs*

Happy New Year everyone!

Tuesday Challenge #27

Stu's Tuesday Challenge this week is Music.

Playing bagpipes

Tuesday Challenge #26 - Themed Collection

Oooh look! A blog post!!

Apologies for being AWOL but, for several reasons, I took a bit of a blogging summer holiday. Anyway, I'm back now witth the latest of Stu's Tuesday Challenges.....

Your homework, should you choose to accept is to shoot a themed collection. At least ten shots with a common theme running through them. This could be a colour theme, maybe a narrative, or maybe a typology - like the Bechers' work where by keeping everything from lighting and angle as common as possible, the differences in the subject really show up. You could always use one of the previous tuesday challenges as your inspiration.

For my theme, I've taken an alternative look around my garden and picked 10 shots that show pattern and texture.

Stu's Tuesday Challenge #25 - Pink

Stu's Tuesday Challenge #24 - Animals

A fairly straightforward theme from Stu this week - Animals.

I had intended to try and capture some of the local wildlife but last Tuesday evening I wrenched my shoulder and it went into spasm. I could barely move for three days so taking photographs was the last thing on my mind.

So I did what I usually do and resorted to what I had to hand. Yep, you guessed!

PAWS

The results are in.

My vet rang me this morning with the results of The Greyhound's liver biopsy.

IT'S ALL CLEAR!!

We are so doing a happy dance!

One of "those" days

So, here we are, it's just a smidge past 11am and the world has gone mad.

I had a bit of a relapse last night and spent most of it curled up on the sofa in tears again so I'm not in the best place emotionally today. The Greyhound has gone into the vets this morning to have his liver biopsy, which is enough of a worry on its own.

On top of that, I arrived at work to find a colleague had accidentally cancelled our web account and now we have no e-mail and no website. I'm paying her son to tidy up my garden for me and so far the strimmer has packed in and the lawn mower has blown up and is billowing smoke.

So bring it on....nothing else today can throw at me can surprise me.

Stu's Tuesday Challenge #22 Best of

Stu's Challenge this week is pretty straightforward

The challenge this week is to go through your archive and pick out your best picture so far.

Despite the thousands of pictures I have on my computer and on back-up disc, it took only a split second for me to decide which shot is my best so far. I take a lot of photographs and 80% are crap, 15% are mediocre and the rest are OK. Sometimes I set out to take a particular photograph but the reality of what I shoot never matches up to what I am picturing in my mind's eye. For once, I achieved what I set out to achieve.

Onwards and upwards

Last Friday morning the ex-Himself rang out of the blue to say he wanted to collect the last of his things from the Cottage. He turned up Saturday morning and collected the rest of his furniture and stuff he had stored in the shed. I finally have space to move around and sort the rest of my things out.

This morning I have woken up with a renewed sense of optimism and have set about with gusto re-arranging furniture and moving things where I want them to be. I have a strong need to be out with the old and finally make the Cottage my own.

That part of my life needs to be over.

Another up-date on The Greyhound

My vet is still not happy with The Greyhound's blood tests so she still wants to do a biopsy.

There are two options - she can do it herself but it would mean cutting him open, getting to the liver, and taking the biopsy. Alternatively she can refer me to a specialist vet who can do the biopsy with ultrasound and he may not need full anaesthtic - my vet is to discuss it with the other partners and then speak to the specialist to see how they would do it and get an idea of cost.

Either way, expensive times are ahead methinks.

Stu's Tuesday Challenge #20 - Viewfinder Optional

Stu's Challenge this week

From Syl Arena’s Lessons I Didn’t Learn In Photo School…

17. Learn to think of the viewfinder as optional.
If you don’t regularly make photographs without looking through the viewfinder, start today. Learn how your lens sees without looking. Become more spontaneous. Hold your camera up over your head - like a paparazzi. Shoot from the hip (literally). Go for the worm’s-eye view. Stop chimping the LCD after each shot. Try this. Cover the viewfinder and LCD with tape — except where the histogram shows (so you can make good exposure decisions). Then shoot for a day or a week without ever looking through the lens. I’m sure you will come up with many great images that show you the world in a way you haven’t seen before.

So there’s your challenge. Take a bunch of photos without using any kind of viewfinder or checking the images on the rear screen afterwards. Post your best one of the week!

Well this was fun! Although shooting without looking through the viewfinder did mean a lot of shots of things at some very odd angles and not getting in the image what I thought I was getting! I decided to get down to ground level and this is my favourite of the ones I took this week.

Stu's Tuesday Challenge #19 - Weather

In by the skin of my teeth!

Our Challenge this week is:

This week, your task is to capture the weather. It doesn’t matter if it’s sunny or raining, or snowing for that matter. Try not to just take a picture of the sky… look for some other subjects to go in the frame to support your choice of conditions.

With the bank holiday weekend coming up, there should be lots of opportunity for storms, rain, hail, sleet…

We had some great weather for this challenge in the days leading to Stu announcing it, since then it's been nothing but sunshine. Which has been lovely, but not brilliant for getting any dramatic weather shots. So with a little artistic licence, this is my weather shot.....

Raindrop

Up-date on The Greyhound

Thank you all so much for asking after The Greyhound, and my apologies for not up-dating you.

The Bile Acid Stimulation test came back normal. Which is good. Sort of. But it still leaves the question of what is wrong with his liver unanswered.

The Greyhound had been getting much calmer than normal in the weeks leading up to this but I had put that down to the fact that he is starting to grow up and mature. Wrong! My vet had put him on a course of antibiotics and liver strengthening pills and one of them certainly did the trick because he was back to his normal bouncy, idiotic self. Because of this, my vet decided to hold off on the biopsy for a few weeks and redo the bloods once he'd finished his course of tablets.

And that's where we were. Until yesterday. When I got home last night he had weed in the house again and the amount he is drinking is also on the increase. So I need to speak to my vet again today and see where she wants to go from here. Whatever the problem, it's still there and I think the biopsy is going to be inevitable.

Hello? Hello? Anybody there?

Hello Blogland!

Sorry it's been a bit quiet around here lately but I've had rather a lot on my plate and blogging has had to take a back seat for a while. Plus I had some stuff in my head that needed sorting out. Actually, it still does need sorting out, I just don't care quite so much these days. Not in a "don't care" don't care sort of way, just that I am trying to be a bit more chilled about things.

I have a habit of over-analysis sometimes. I have a pathological need to know why my thoughts and emotions about issues I might have take the direction they do and why I'm thinking what I'm thinking in the first place. It ends up seriously stressing me out.

I also get stressed out about things that I need to get done - and don't. I'm having a few problems with my thyroid medication at the moment which is leaving me with an over-whelming feeling of intertia.

So I am taking a step back from my thoughts and concerns, and I am trying to look at them more objectively. I am trying to be rational about them.

I have found a quiet place in my head that I retreat to when I find myself going into analysis mode. Somewhere that is blocked off from my more irrational feelings. Somewhere where I can see things a little more clearly.

And I do believe it's working. I am feeling much more comfortable in my skin and with my thoughts. I am much more at ease with myself and I find that the less stressed I am about things, the more I seem to get done.

Two birds one stone then. Always a bonus.

Stu's Tuesday Challenge #17 - Decisive Moment

Stu's Challenge this week

Fast shutter speeds are the order of the day. Capture that split second in time. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for ever.

This week, your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to capture a frozen image of a moment in time. An image that will never be seen exactly the same again. That point at the peak of the action.

OK, not my best ever effort for a number of reasons but mainly because the first idea I had didn't come off and I ran out of time. So I was back to using what I had around me. Oh. That'll be a Lurcher again then!